A Deep, Dark Secret
by Onigiri49
Summary: When T.J. notices Randall is not up to his usual snitching he knows something's up, but what he doesn't know is that it'll change everything. Randall holds a fellow student's secret and he doesn't know whether he should tattle or not.
1. Snitch no more

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Recess.**

**Note: Story gets into a serious issue come the second chapter. Read at own risk.**

**Please enjoy this short story. It will probably be around 4-5 chapters.**

Randall sits alone his back against a brick wall on the edge of the school. T.J. and his friends are laughing and talking when T.J. spots Randall sitting by himself. "Hey guys, wait here a sec." They pass each other curious glances as T.J. runs up to Randall. "Hey there, Randall. What're you up to?" Now normally this friendly chatty chat would be the last thing T.J. would do with someone like Randall the snitch, but when he's not snitching something is up.

"What? Oh... it's nothing." Randall looks down playing with a piece of leaf he has in his hand.

T.J. watches him for a second. "Nothing? Nothing new going on? Nobody to snitch on?"

"Well... I don't know."

Now it's T.J.'s turn to get a curious expression. "Is something wrong? You're not acting like yourself today."

"I Just. I-I..." he stumbles.

T.J. turns around and motions his friends away mouthing he'll see them later. He sits down next to Randall watching his friends walk away confused.

"So... anything you'd like to tell me?" He pauses getting no response. "Look, I know we're not exactly friends, but you know you can trust me, right?"

Randall slowly nods and looks up at T.J. T.J. notices something off about him. "Are you all right? You look like something's on your mind. Like, you're really bothered by something." T.J. is genuinely worried. He's never seen Randall quite like this before.

Randall looks back down and keeps playing with his leaf. He sighs and opens his mouth, "I saw something," he says lowly.

"What'd you see?" T.J. lowers his voice also, realizing this is not a time to be all fun and games.

"I saw a person doing something. And I don't know if I should tattle or not."

"What?! You always tattle no matter what you see!" He says incredulously.

Randall shakes his head sadly. "Not this time. It's not like that. This is different...... this is serious."

"Was it another kid? Did it happen on the playground?" T.J. asks.

"Yeah, yesterday. I've been thinking about it for a day." He frowns, "I didn't sleep much last night. I can't get the image out of my head!" He grabs his head clutching it almost in agony.

"Did you see a kid get beaten up? What happened?"

"No... no, nothing like that. The person was alone. In the shadows."

"What was he... uh, the person doing?"

"He," Randall starts, confirming the person was male, "was doing something I've never seen before. Nothing I thought, I thought existed. It was... I don't know." Randall starts to shake. T.J. stays quiet just listening intently. "I was scared. I didn't run or talk or anything. I just watched him for I don't know how long."

T.J. contemplates his next words for a few seconds then speaks carefully, "This thing he was doing... was it breaking school rules?"

Randall looks up for the second time since the conversation started and nods solemnly. "Worse than chewing gum, even worse than cheating on a test! I think he could be expelled."

T.J. widens his eyes. "Do you know who he is?"

"Yeah. I..." he gets a questionable look on his face as if pondering if his memory is real, "I never thought it'd be_ him_. I mean..." he doesn't finish his thoughts.

"Do I know him?"

"You do. We all do." Randall goes back to playing with the leaf, distracting himself. Almost wanting to end the conversation.

T.J. senses this, but presses on wanting answers. "Could you..." he pauses slightly, "tell me what you saw him doing? Maybe I could help you if it's something we should tell Miss Finster. If he can be expelled, no matter how much a friend he may be to us or something, we should tell."

Randall takes what seems to be about a half a minute to respond. He almost whispers, "I shouldn't have seen him. It's a secret he has."

T.J. sighs almost impatiently. "Randall, I realize the situation *may* be grave, but I really think I should know what you saw."

Randall suddenly widens his eyes and looks at T.J. with a serious and earnest expression, "Would you want to see? I'm sure he's doing it again right now."

He continues, "I don't think I have the words to tell you." He looks pitiful.

T.J. nods once and stands up; Randall follows suit. "Let's go. Show me where he is."

As they walk T.J. speaks again, "Who is it?"

"You'll see." Randall says with a grimace, not looking forward to what is about to happen. He is more hunched than usual.

**Thanks for reading.**


	2. Unfolding telling

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Recess.**

They creep up quietly to a secluded area of the playground that is very shadowy. They are nearing the forest. Trees are providing shade here.

Randall puts a finger to his lips signifying for them to stay quiet. They pass several trees when they come across a very recognizable student sitting awkwardly on a large rock just staring straight ahead breathing shakily. He seems to be wobbling a bit.

"Butch?" T.J. questions, forgetting to be quiet.

Butch gasps and falls off the rock with a thud. He puts his hands behind him and pulls himself up, "What are you guys doing here?! Get out of here!" His voice is pitched with fear.

"Now hold on Butch." T.J. tells him cautiously holding up his hands. "We need to speak with you."

"W-why? You didn't see nothing!" Butch is getting defensive. He swiftly stands up. So quickly, in fact, something metal falls to the ground. Something that has blood on it.

T.J. and Randall look down at it. "What is that?" T.J. asks, getting worried. He is not liking where this is going.

Butch picks it up and puts it in his pocket. "Nothing at all. You didn't see anything!"

Randall finds his voice, "I saw what you did yesterday. Last recess."

Butch gets angry, "You better not had tattled on me!"

"I didn't!" Randall yells in defense. "I swear! I didn't even tell T.J.!"

Butch slowly looks at T.J. "Teej, you don't know anything?"

T.J. only looks back at him. "You can get in a lot of trouble having a knife on school grounds. You're a kid! What are you doing with one? You weren't hunting animals were you?"

"What?! No! I wasn't!" He yells defiantly.

"He's telling the truth." Randall speaks unusually softly.

"Then can someone please tell me what's going on?!" T.J. is starting to yell.

Butch looks away and sits back down on his rock. Randall just stands there not saying a word... perhaps too scared to.

"I knew it. I **knew it**!" Butch screams. "I _knew_ I'd get caught! I'm such a screw-up! Nothing _ever_ goes right for me! **Argh!**" Butch breaks down sobbing. Neither Randall nor T.J. were prepared for that to happen, but both knew well enough to let him cry until he was done. After a couple minutes Butch had quieted down and was just sniffling.

"Stay here" T.J. instructs Randall. T.J. walks up to Butch and, as he did earlier with Randall, sits down next to him. "I really think whatever this is you should tell a teacher or some adult about it. Maybe Miss Finster or-"

"No" Butch interjects forcefully. His next words are shaky and weak, "I can't."

"Can you tell me?" T.J. asks softly motioning his hands to himself.

Butch gives a long sigh before beginning. "Something happened a month ago. It happened to me." T.J. doesn't interrupt. He just waited patiently for him to continue. Randall was a few feet away, now sitting down against a tree, also listening.

"My big brother Joey got into a big accident and got thrown into jail for one night. My parents were furious. They yelled and yelled at him and at each other saying "What have we done wrong?" and "We raised you better than this!". Three days later Joey... he..." Butch hesitates, "He got stabbed. By some _punk_ from his High School who was responsible for him getting in prison in the first place!" His pitch got louder as he went on. He clenches his fists and trembles in anger. T.J. and Randall are stunned. They don't know what to make of this. "The _punk_" he spats out the word, "is waiting for a hearing about if he's_ innocent"_ he says childishly, "and if he** is** how long his prison sentence will be." He sighs again to calm himself. "Anyways, this whole **stinkin' **month has been a mess! Just a big** hell**hole!" T.J. widens his eyes at his words. "Things were going just fine until **all** this happened! And you know what's _worse?!_" he looks at T.J. "**I started cutting myself!**"

A full minute passes. The only sound is Butch's heavy breathing, which is still uneven.

"Butch, I-" T.J. starts.

"No! I don't want to hear none of it! Just go ahead and have your buddy _Randall _here rat me out!" tears start falling from his angry eyes. "Just leave me here to be taken away!"

"I'm not going to rat you out." Randall speaks up softly, but loud enough to be heard by the two.

Butch looks at him in shock, "You... you're not?"

"If I wanted to I would've done it yesterday."

"I'm still kind of confused." T.J. says slowly.

"What do you mean?" Butch asks, still angry.

"What exactly were you doing? With the knife?" Poor T.J. can't quite grasp it.

Butch doesn't answer.

Randall, although not fulling understanding it either, answers for him, "T.J., that knife... he was using it on himself." T.J. still looks confused. "On his arms. He was cutting into his arms."

T.J.'s is in absolute shock as he looks back at Butch, "You were..." his mouth agape he doesn't finish. He instantly looks down at Butch's arms, which are covered with the long sleeves of his black jacket.

Butch grimaces following his eyes, "You want to see, don't you?" He asks ashamed. His anger gone now embarrassment instead. He'd almost forgotten the rant he just had only a few moments ago. T.J.'s silence tells him he does. Randall creeps up to them to get a closer look, very curious.

"It ain't pretty" is all Butch says raspingly as he takes a hold of the sleeve of his left arm (as T.J. is sitting to his left) and gently pulls it up to his elbow. In neat little rows are numerous cuts. Some old and fading, a few quite very new and still bleeding. The inside of his sleeve, as it turns out, is soaked with blood.

It takes a while for either boy seeing Butch's arm to find his voice. T.J. is the first to speak, "Why did you do this?"

"Doesn't that hurt?" Randall squeaks. His mouth is wide open as he sees the arm with closer inspection this time. It's much worse than he imagined. Then again, Butch had given it more cuts today to add to the disfigurement.

"I really don't know **okay**!" He stands up, the sleeve still pulled up. A few drops of blood fall to the ground. "I just didn't know what else to do! My parents have been** completely** ignoring me for **weeks **now! They just keep yelling and crying to each other and I'm left by myself!" He bends down to the ground, sobbing, "I miss my brother!!"

He speaks between his sobs, "He'd be... so.... ashamed of me... right now!... I'm not... the same... anymore!... I don't... know... what to **do**!"

T.J. says the only thing that comes to mind, "We're here for you, man." He puts a comforting hand on Butch's shoulder.

**Thanks for reading.**


	3. Blind fury

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Recess.**

Butch smiles at T.J., "Thanks, Teej." He sniffles and wipes the sleeve of his right arm on his eyes to get rid of his tears.

T.J. sighs lightly, "I know I don't understand this, but I think I understand enough to know it's serious. You should get help for it."

Butch shakes his head still sniffling.

"How did you..." Randall starts. He rubs his hands together nervously not sure how to finish his thought. "Why, um..." he struggles to find the right words.

T.J. senses this and finishes for him, "How did you learn to do this? What made you decide to... start doing this? I know your family's been having trouble, but people normally don't..."

"It felt right." Butch cuts in answering. He pauses but realizes they want to hear more. Butch pulls his left sleeve down covering his arm which had stopped bleeding now. The dried blood on his sleeve visible. He frowns at the sight.

"People are going to notice." T.J. tells him, referring to the blood.

"Yeah, I know." He mutters.

"I don't even have to squeal." Randall remarks to himself - although the others can hear him.

Butch almost looks like he's going to cry again but he stops himself. "Gee, I feel like the crier kid." He half smiles at his joke. He frowns again and continues, "One particular night, not long after the police came to our door telling us of the news of Joey's... death" he gulps swallowing the bitterness of the memory, "I was in my room listening to my parents argue as usual in the living room. I hear a slap and then my mother crying and the slam of a door. By that point I hear the sound of a cap being popped off and swallowing and groaning." He gets curious looks from T.J. and Randall. "My father was drinking beer in front of the television. He does this every night... I knew what had happened. They didn't just argue. They got into a fight. Over Joey... over me. I went into my bathroom, which is in my room, and just started to get so angry! I took a hand mirror I had and threw it at the tub. It shattered into a few pieces." He directly looks to his listeners. "I don't know if I was in blind fury or it was the heat of the moment or what. But I did the unthinkable. I just... I went over and took a piece and just slashed it on one of my legs. It started bleeding but I didn't care. I kept going. I started going at it on my wrists and... started crying, a lot. I was so angry with myself. With everything!" He licked his lips, "I fell asleep tired from all the energy it took. I slept in my own blood." T.J. and Randall glance at each other in absolute shock from the gruesome tale.

"You were too angry to feel anything?" T.J. asks.

"I just felt anger. I didn't feel pain or... pleasure. I felt like I was in a hypnotic state or something. Like a part of me just took over for me and I was watching myself from somewhere else, maybe another part of the bathroom. Just watching this crazy 9 year old boy slicing his body with cuts and the blood splattering everywhere. Onto the tub, the floor, the sink... everywhere. At the time I wasn't thinking. I guess it kind of was like punching a pillow to let off some steam. But to a more extreme level."

T.J. nods, "That's what Spinelli does." He almost regrets interrupting.

"What?" Randall asks, surprised by the change of mood.

"Oh, sorry. I just meant Spinelli punches pillows when she's angry." He shrugs, "Though now I see she'll also draw on the pavement at the playground."

"I wish I was more like that. Be creative instead of..."

T.J. looks down to the ground, "destructive."

Butch suddenly stands up. "I kept this up most nights mainly on my legs and thighs and stuff." T.J. stands up looking at him. "My body's a mess Teej. If I keep doing this at the rate I have... I don't know what will happen."

"You need to stop."

"But I can't have my parents find out. If they knew what my body looked like now." He bites his bottom lip and quivers in fear. "I'd be disowned."

"No!" Randall stands up and walks up to Butch. He looks him squarely in his eyes. "They wouldn't do that!" His voice softens, "They're your parents. They love you. Just like mine love me."

"They hate each other because of me. How could they love me?" Butch hangs his head. "I'm such a screw-up."

"What are you talking about?" T.J. asks bewildered.

"I just am. My grades suck, I have no real friends, I..." he stops abruptly. "Nevermind."

"What?" They both ask at the same time.

He turns his back to them. "Forget it." The bell rings.

"Aw, it's time for class! We'll never make it back in time being this far out!" Randall grumbles in his usual way.

"You go ahead back. I'll take care of this with Butch." T.J. instructs.

Randall takes one last look at them and runs off.

"You ready to do this?" T.J. questions Butch.

Butch slowly turns back around, "You're okay with missing class?"

"Of course. Butch, _I'm _a real friend. I'll help you get through this. Starting with the school nurse checking you out. I'll walk you there."

Butch looks scared.

T.J. tries to ease his mind, "All the students are back in class now. No one will see. Here, how about this? Take off your jacket. Leave it here." Butch raises an eyebrow.

"Why?"

T.J. takes off his own olive green jacket, "Put this on. It's clean." Butch realizes and does as he's told.

"Come on, let's go." They head back to the school leaving the jacket in the forest behind.

**Please review.**


	4. The first step

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of Recess.**

"T.J., wait!" Butch takes a hold of a tree they are passing and wraps his arms around it kneeling down a bit. "I don't want to go. It'll be too hard."

T.J. turns to him. "No one will see." He motions his hands out to the playground behind them, "Look, all the students are back in their classes by now. You have my jacket and..." He motions to himself, "I'll be here. You don't have to go at it alone. Don't worry, man."

Butch looks nearly frightened, but he takes a deep breath, nods to T.J. in determination, and straightens up. "You sure?"

T.J. only smiles and keeps walking checking behind him that Butch is following - he is. They walk into the open playground steadily making their way to the entrance of the school, all in silence. T.J. opens the door waiting for Butch behind him to enter ahead of him. "You know what to do." T.J. now follows an apprehensive Butch heading towards the nurse's office. His hands shake as he is about to turn the knob opening the door when...

"Stay right there!!" A booming voice instructs them. They gasp looking up at Mr. Prickly. "I don't know what game you're up to Detweiler, but classes are in session right now and I don't see you in your class with your friend here. What are you two up to?" He leans in close to their faces incriminatingly.

T.J. backs away nervously, "Uh, nothing sir. Honestly. I'm just here to help a friend with something."

Mr. Prickly frowns at the two of them, but seeing he has nothing on T.J. -- yet (he thinks to himself) -- he can only let them go. "All right Detweiler. You're safe this time. But one slip up," he holds up one finger an inch from T.J.'s nose threatingly, "and I'll be here to write you up!" He leaves in a huff. T.J. sighs in relief. "That was close. I thought I might get in trouble there for a sec for skipping class."

"T.J., you should go on ahead to class. You shouldn't be with me. It's not worth the risk." Butch tells him.

"What? No, friends stick together and I'm here to help you. Let's go in together." Butch turns the knob and walks in to the nurse's room. The nurse opens her eyes, putting down a book she was holding onto a nearby chair, and looks at Butch. "Yes? May I help you young man?" T.J. walks in and explains for him.

"We're here because... Butch here needs to see you Nurse Kramer." He nudges Butch to move forward.

Nurse Kramer's kind face smiles warmly, "All right. Why don't you come over here to the bed and I'll take a look at cha. What're you here for son? Got a cough? Oh, let me get the thermometer and check your temperature." She looks around the small room for the thermometer, finds it and turns to Butch who has seated himself atop the cold, metal exam table-like bed. He shifts uncomfortably. Not necessarily because of the uninviting bed, but because he's nervous. "Now open your mouth so I can take your temperature. Butch now is it?" "Uh." Butch tries to say something but she places the thermometer into his mouth and under his tongue before he has a moment to say anything. "Don't talk. It'll fall out and then I'll have to do it again. We don't want that, now do we?"

"Mrs. Kramer, he really needs to get checked out for, uh, something else." T.J. tries to tell her.

"Not until we're finished with this. You can go to class if that's all you need to do here." She says, talking to T.J.

"Uh, that's okay. I really should stay here. For him that is. You see -"

"Hold on." She interrupts again. "Just about done here." She takes the thermometer out of Butch's mouth and inspects it. "Normal. Well, you don't _seem_ sick. What brought you in here? Trip while running in the halls? Got a scrape? I got the medicine for that." She rambles on.

"No!" Butch says in frustration.

T.J. moves in, "What he means to say is... well..." T.J. isn't sure how to say it.

"I'm bleeding. A lot." Butch admits.

"Oh, goodness. First we need to clean the affected areas with some soap and water, then we'll apply an antibiotic ointment. This will help prevent infection - keep those nasty germs out. And then a couple band-aids..." She grabs the items from their appropriate places as she talks.

"I don't think any of that will really help." Butch quietly tells her.

Nurse Kramer lowers her hand holding the ointment and band-aids and raises an eyebrow at Butch waiting for what more he has to inform her.

**Please review.**


	5. Proper course of action

Butch looks to T.J. for a sign of reassurance. T.J. gives a single serious nod in response to let Butch know it was all right. Butch sighs mentally to prepare himself for what was inevitably going to come and slowly takes off T.J.'s olive jacket. Now he bears only his short sleeved dark grey shirt and his visible marks.

Nurse Kramer's face quickly fades in color and she becomes white as a sheet. Her mouth turns small in shock, unable to say anything. She is reticent to reveal her feelings or thoughts. The boys glance at each other unsure how to respond to her lack of verbal reaction. They expected something, _anything_ - but not this. It almost creeps them out how mute this loquacious woman has become in the span of just a few seconds.

She drops the ointment and band-aids onto the floor without thinking and spins her body reaching for the nearest phone in the room, punching in a number and anxiously waits for the other end to be picked up. She puts a hand up to cover her mouth as she talks into the phone in a hushed tone, her back facing the two boys. T.J. and Butch just wait tensely until she puts down the phone and looks back at them.

"Come with me, children." She instructs in a quivering voice she tries to keep calm. They follow her to Mr. Prickly's office at a steady pace. When they enter they give an audible gasp when they see not only Mr. Prickly himself, but also Ms. Finster - who teaches their 5th grade class, Ms. Lemon - the school Registrar/Receptionist, Miss Furley - a homely looking woman with long blonde hair and round glasses, Mr. Yamashiro, and three other teachers the kids don't know - one who is a male with dark brown hair and a matching mustache, a curly red haired woman with rectangular indigo glasses and rosy lips, and a woman with short blonde hair and bangs who is also bespectacled but with round ones.

"Uh. Thank-you Nurse Kramer for bringing them inside. Detweiler, you're excused." Mr. Prickly orders. Now he realizes what they were doing in the hallway just moments before, they were going to see the nurse. Ms. Kramer has just phoned him of what was going on. He instantly called in some of the most trusted teachers and told them to momentarily interrupt their classes to help with a very serious matter. He was briefing them on what Nurse Kramer had told him when she and the students walked into his office.

"With all due respect, sir, I need to stay. For my friend here." T.J. firmly says, not budging from where he stands. Ever since Principal Prickly rescued him from falling off the edge of his house's roof they've been on much better terms. In normal situations any principal would've reiterated the order to the student, but Mr. Prickly just nods grimly having come to understand T.J.'s humanitarian feelings, especially for his peers. He quickly motions his head to his left side. T.J. takes note and moves to the side of the room nearing the corner. Butch gulps as he looks at the adults converse with each other. If you watched him closely enough you could see his body shaking a bit, but the adults were too caught up in the technicalities of school policy measures to notice.

"Mr. Prickly, we don't have written protocol of how to deal with this situation." Ms. Lemon informs him.

"I know, I know!" Mr. Prickly yells angrily to her, trying to keep his voice down so the two boys don't detect the apprehensiveness and get too concerned. He shakes his head in dismay as Ms. Finster adds, "The State Board of Education needs to deal with this, sir. Seeing as how we don't have a proper school counselor."

Mr. Prickly shudders at the thought of Mr. White's return. T.J. is also too aware of this. He was not fond of Mr. White and doesn't trust how he be could be handling this.

Mr. Yamashiro butts in, cryptically reminding his Third Street School's co-workers of the secret spa and massage room of Room 101 (aka THE TEACHER'S LOUNGE), "Well we couldn't afford one." He lowers his voice, "What with the you-know-what in the you-know-where..."

The others have brief guilt pass their faces as they hear that. The boys, of course, only listen on in confusion. For years the adults have had that room to keep for themselves and enjoy in between teaching classes and other responsibilities. When Hank, the school's janitor, one day accidently stumbled upon the Secret 5th and 6th Graders' Club of equal but 'Big Kid'-like luxury, it only reaffirmed the faculty members to keep it if they allowed the students of those grades to keep _their_ secret club. Everyone deserved a break after all. They never considered this to backfire and cause budget cuts for necessary things like a school counselor.

"Mr. Prickly, I believe the best course of action would be for you to appoint a designated faculty member as the one who is responsible for young Butch. Keep an eye on him and ensure his well being while he is on school grounds." Miss Grotke suggests, often the voice of reason among them.

"Me?" He brings his hands up, pointing to himself. "_I_ have to appoint someone?" He didn't know how to handle this. In all the years he's been a principal of this school this issue had never arisen.

Ms. Finster clears her throat. "You _are_ the principal, sir. Whoever you shall designate will be the liaison between you and the boy's parents."

Mr. Prickly turns to the nurse. "How about Nurse Kramer then?" He puts an arm around her shoulder. "No school counselor means the responsibilities fall on the school nurse's shoulders, right?" He said almost with glee. He didn't want to spend money on someone new. Doing that would mean losing their butler James, or their masseuse and masseur, or that high definition tv or, heaven forbid, that wonderful hot tub always kept at precisely 104° Fahrenheit. The very thought of ridding it is purely criminal. Especially since he has to stay at this elementary school and not reach his dream of becoming a middle school principal. He can't let the students down and give the satisfaction to Mr. Slicer and his horrible assistant Gilda to take over. Even Ms. Finster didn't take a liking to them, especially with her being demoted to working under Gilda and answer to a whistle. How humiliating that would be. He and Ms. Finster are a team in running the school, keeping it in tip-top shape. Though now she is a teacher she hasn't lost her authoritarian, or dare we say, near draconian role of being in charge of the playground during recess. Of course, Ms. Finster knows not to step over the line and deprive the kids of the joy of their youth. Mr. Slicer and Gilda had in mind a vision where the students were robots, primed just to their liking.

Caught off guard Nurse Kramer tries to get out of it. "Good sweet Mike! This is beyond my expertise. I-I couldn't possibly-"

"Don't shirk your responsibilities now, missy. You heard the man." Ms. Finster towers over Nurse Kramer with her fierce demeanor.

Ms. Kramer regains her voice and effectively moves away getting Principal Prickly's hands off her. "I'm sorry but you must contact the Board of Education and have Mr. White and his team handle this."

"Fine." Mr. Prickly crosses his arms in indignant defeat. He then points a finger to Butch. "In the mean time what do we do with _him?__" _


End file.
